The family is the longest lasting and most important human institution. The family is the foundational unit of society, upon which everything else is built. Saint John Paul II said, “The future of the Church and the world passes through the family.” The family is where leadership matters most.

Leadership is life and should never be extracted from it.

“There are many kinds of success worth having. It is exceedingly attractive to be a successful business man, or farmer, or a successful lawyer or doctor; or a President, or a ranchman, or the colonel of a fight regiment, or to kill grizzly bears and lions. But a strong marriage and a household of children make all other forms of success lose their importance by comparison,” Theodore Roosevelt.

Theodore Roosevelt said that there are many kinds of success worth having. But a strong marriage and a household of children make all forms of success lose their importance by comparison.

Good parents are not perfect but are purposeful. Andrea and I decided many years ago that our goal was to raise adults, not children. In other words, we were parenting with the end in mind. This perspective provided intentionality and long-term perspective. It gave our parenting a clear purpose. Consider independence. A raising children perspective defines independence as the ability to take care of oneself. A raising adult’s perspective defines independence as the ability to take care of others and want to. This kind of clarity helped us to be purposeful. 

Good parents aren’t perfect, but they are purposeful. We decided years ago that our goal was to raise adults, not children. In other words, we were parenting with the end in mind.

Living in the Larger Story

One of the greatest gifts parents can give their kids is a strong sense of both the privilege and the responsibility that comes with being part of a family. Being born into a family means something. One of the playful ways we encourage the larger story perspective is by reminding the kids that mom and dad were “a thing” long before the kids came along. Our kids know that their story as individuals flows from our story as a couple. Also, their stories will outlast ours. Healthy, passionate, vibrant marriages instill a deep sense of security in the children born into those marriages.

One of the playful ways we encourage the larger story perspective is by reminding the kids that mom and dad were “a thing” long before they came along.

The Power of “We”

Another way we have encouraged the larger story mindset with our kids is by teaching them to think of we before me. Using we is powerful for shaping character, motivation and decision-making. Rather than telling a child, “You need to clean your mess,” it is better to say, “We respect the people we live with by cleaning up after ourselves, so we clean the table after we use it.” Rather than telling your son to stop pestering his sister, it is better to highlight the larger story of “we” by saying, “We show love of others by respecting their space and feelings.” Rather than telling your daughter to get out of her brother’s room, invite “we” thinking: “We respect people’s privacy by knocking on the door and waiting to be invited in before entering the room.” Using we is a powerful way of shaping character and virtue.

Family Crest

One concrete way to help children see the larger story is by creating a family crest. Our Powell Family Crest puts on paper what it means to be a Powell. It communicates the larger story in a vivid and meaningful way. We created our family crest over a period of three years. Each summer vacation, Andrea and I would spend some time after the kids had gone to bed, praying and talking about the family crest. We discussed what really matters to us, our values and our deepest desires for our kids. We talked about how the crest would be designed, what the symbols would be and their meaning. We drew up many sketches, some that make us laugh now. It was a wonderful period of discerning and discovering together.

You can download a document to help you think and write your own family crest and here more about how we created ours. To find out more, please click here.

One concrete way to help children see the larger story they are living in, is by creating a family crest. Family Crests communicate the larger story in a vivid and meaningful way.

 © 2023 Brett Powell – Leadership Where it Matters Most

Photo by Josue Michel on Unsplash